sadness in the chicago world of baseball

Hello all.

This is a sad week for Chicago baseball fans. Our teams missed the playoffs and teams such as the Milly-walk-aye Beers and Detoilet Tiggers made it. Like I've done many times already, I've put together a list of former cubs & Sox players who made it to the playoffs with another team. You know, to make us more sad. To be honest, when I started prepping this email a few weeks ago, I had the Cardinals all set to not make the playoffs. They got in on the last day, and I'm pretty glad they did. There's a joke here somewhere about the NL Central having 2 playoff teams and the cubs still finishing almost 20 games out of said playoff spot...but I lost it.
P.S. don't jump down my throat on the guys on the DL, they're on the roster so piss off.

The cubs Players(20. last year:17)
Detroit's P Al Alburquerque was signed by the cubs in 2006 and was with the organization until early 2009.
Texas's IF Andres Blanco played in the cubs organization in 08-09.
Arizona's C Henry Blanco played for the cubs from 2005-08.
Tampa's IF Russ Canzler was drafed by the cubs in 2004 and he seemed to disappear after the 2010 season.
Tampa's P Juan Cruz signed with the cubs in 1997 and was traded in 2004.
Tampa's P Kyle Farnsworth was drafted by the cubs in 1994 and was with the organization until 2004.
Tampa's OF Sam Fuld was drafted by the cubs twice (03 & 04) and was traded earlier this year for a mediocre starting pitcher.
Philadelphia's IF Ross Gload played for the cubs in 2000-01.
Tampa's OF Brandon Guyer was drafted by the cubs in 2007 and was also traded earlier this year for the same mediocre starting pitcher mentioned above.
Milwaukee's IF/OF Jerry Hairston Jr was with the cubs in 05-06.
Milwaukee's P LaTroy Hawkins (yes, him) pitched for the cubs in 2004 & 2005.
St Louis's P Kyle Lohse was drafted by the cubs in 1996 and was traded in 1999 to the twinkies.
Arizona's P Jason Marquis pitched for the cubs in '07 and '08.
Milwaukee's IF Casey McGehee was drafted by the cubs in 2003 and was with the organization through the 2008 season.
New York's P Sergio Mitre was drafted by the cubs in 2001 and played in the organization through the 2005 season.
Arizona's OF Xavier Nady played for the cubs, badly, in 2010.
Texas's P Darren Oliver played in the minor leagues for the cubs in 2005.
St Louis's OF Corey Patterson was drafted by the cubs in 1998 (3rd overall) and was traded in 2006.
St Louis's IF Ryan Theriot was drafted by the cubs in 2001 and was with the organization until he was traded in 2010.
New York's P Raul Valdes was signed by the cubs as an undrafted free agent in 2005 and was with the organization through 2006.

The White Sox Players(19. last year:21)
Detroit's IF Wilson Betemit was with the Sox in the 2009 season.
Arizona's IF Geoff Blum was with the Sox in the World Series year.
New York's P Bartolo Colon played for the Sox in 2003 and 2009.
Philadelphia's P Jose Contreras (yes, him) played for the Sox from 04-09.
St Louis's P Octavio Dotel pitched for the Sox in 2008 & 2009.
New York's P Freddy Garcia was also with the Sox twice. From 2004-06 and 2009-10.
Philadelphia's IF Ross Gload played for the Sox from 2003-06.
Arizona's P Daniel Hudson was with the Sox in 2009 and traded in 2010 for some reason.
St Louis's P Edwin Jackson was acquired for Daniel Hudson for some reason, and was traded this year.
New York's OF Andruw Jones was with the Sox in 2010.
Milwaukee's IF/OF Mark Kotsay was with the Sox, badly, in 2009-10.
New York's P Boone Logan was drafted by the Sox in 2002 and was traded in 2008.
New York's P Damaso Marte played for the Sox for full seasons from 2002-2005.
Detroit's OF Magglio Ordonez signed as an undrafted free agent with the Sox in 1991 and was with them through the 2004 season.
Philadelphia's IF Placido Polanco was drafted by the Sox in 1993 but did not sign.
Arizona's P J.J. Putz was with the Sox in 2010.
New York's IF/OF Nick Swisher played for the Sox in 2008.
Philadelphia's IF Wilson Valdez played for the Sox in 2004.
Arizona's OF Chris Young was drafted by the Sox in 2001 and was traded in 2005.


also... a little dirt on the grave for you cub fans, while you're drowning your sorrows in a beer...

The presidential debate sketch from a few years back on SNL:
"Bill Murray, who appeared as himself in a sketch lampooning the town-hall presidential debate last Tuesday, asked Sen. John McCain (Darrell Hammond) and Sen. Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) what they would do to ensure that the Cubs would never lose in the playoffs again.

"Last week, in the National League divisional playoffs, the Chicago cubs faced the Los Angeles Dodgers. In Game 1, the cubs lost 7-3. In Game 2, they lost 10-3 and in Game 3, 3-1. What, as president, would you do to guarantee that this never happens again? Senators, in your answers, please be specific,” Murray asked.

“That's a fair question, William, but let's face it, the cubs may very well be in the playoffs again, perhaps even next year. If so, they will lose again, and they will keep right on losing year after year after year, because that is what the cubs do. We as a nation have got to wean cubs fans away from supporting that team and train them to root for other teams – teams that will actually have a chance at winning,” Armisen-as-Obama said.

"Senator McCain?" moderator Tom Brokaw (Chris Parnell) asked.
“Here I have to agree with my opponent,” Hammond-as-McCain said. “Let me give you some straight talk, my friends: The cubs will never win the pennant, much less the World Series! Junior over there, he won’t tell you that. I just did.” "

I met a fairy today that granted me one wish.
"I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry" said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"
"Fine" I said, "I want to die after the Cubs win the world series !"
"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrobcJa_EV8
http://www.cubssuckclub.com/
And I doubt I can ever top this one: http://www.cracked.com/funny-4663-chicago-cubs-fans/

Major Events that Have Occurred Since the chicago cubs Won Their Last World Series (October 14th 1908)
-TV, 3-D TV, VCR, DVD, bluRay, DVR, Radio, 8 Track, Cassette Tape, CD, iMac, iPod, iPhone, iPad, all things computer were invented...other big time inventions since then; The Band-Aid, masking tape, bubble gum, frozen food, the chocolate chip, the microwave, cell phones, disposable diapers, submarines, lasers, artificial hearts, optical fibers, calculators, the internet, the helicopter, electric cars, electric bicycles, retinal implants …
-Super Mario Brothers was released, and has since celebrated its 25th anniversary...
-13 of the top 25 current Fortune 500 companies were founded, Wal Mart (1963), Chevron (1911), Fannie Mae (1938), HP (1939), AT&T (1983), Verizon (1983), AIG (1919), IBM (1911), Cardinal Health (1971), Freddie Mac (1970), CVS/Caremark (1963), UnitedHealth Group (1977) & Valero Energy (1980)...
-Movies finally got color and dialogue! Wow! 83 Academy Award ceremonies have been held...
-The members of the Beatles were born, and two of them died, The members of the Rolling Stones were born, two of them died, somehow Keith Richards didn't...On a similar note, the music styles; Jazz, Swing, Boogie Woogie, Rhythm & Blues, Doo-wop, Rockabilly, Soul, Garage Rock, Acid Rock, Folk Rock, Art Rock, Progressive Rock, Glitter Rock, Space Rock, Disco, Reggae, Funk, Hair(Glam) Metal, Thrash Metal, Grunge, Punk, Ska, New Wave, Alternative Rock, Techno, Electronica, Pop-Punk, Rap-Metal, Emo, Screamo and pretty much all of Rock n Roll peaked and died.
-The model T was introduced to fanfare, years later the Focus was introduced to a collective "Meh"...
-The Titanic was built, set sail, sank, and was rediscovered…
-Man landed on the moon…
-Halley's comet passed Earth,….twice …
-Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii, and New Mexico were admitted to the Union…
-All of the Kennedy political clan have been born and died...
-Eighteen US presidents took office…
-Twelve amendments added to the Constitution…
-The United States went through 20 recessions, 2 of them were depressions, 10 of them lasted more than a year, one of which resulted in the FED being created...
-The US fought in two World Wars, the Korean War, Vietnam War and 2 Persian Gulf Wars...
-Prohibition was created and repealed…
-A combination of 43 Summer and Winter Olympics have been held.
-The NBA, NHL and NFL were formed, and Chicago teams won championships in each league…
-Jack Brickhouse, Harry Caray and Ron Santo were born, and died...
-Fourteen teams more teams play in the Major League Baseball now…only 8 teams in existence have not won a world series (Texas, Houston, Milwaukee, San Diego, Washington, Seattle, Colorado and Tampa)...
-The cubs have had 6 owners, 12 GMs and 53 managers, all pretty much unsuccessful...
-they've had 33 people inducted into the baseball hall of fame yet never won a world series with the loveable losers...
-wrigley field was built and is now the second oldest ballpark remaining in baseball (after Fenway)…and as Roger Simon famously said..."Putting lights in Wrigley Field is like putting aluminum siding on the Sistine Chapel."...
-in fact, the Chicago Bears won more Championships whilst playing in wrigley field than the cubs, they played there from 1921 to 1970, and won the championship 8 times in that span...
-Thirteen baseball players have won the Triple Crown…
-8 times have players stole more than 100 bases in a season...42 times have players hit more than 50 home runs in a season...12 times have players had a batting average over .400...32 times have pitchers had over 300 strikeouts in a season...and 11 times have pitchers had at least 30 wins in a season...
-Greg Maddux played in 3 different decades in which the cubs didn't win a world series, so did Kerry Wood (notice his name is WOOD not WOODS, you dummy fans), Shawon Dunston, Andre Dawson, Mark Grace, Jose Cardenal, Ernie Banks, Fergie Jenkins, Billy Williams, Phil Cavaretta, Gabby Hartnett, Bill Nicholson, Charlie Grimm, Rogers Hornsby and Cliff Heathcote...don't worry if you don't know the last half dozen-or-so cubs, they played before you were born and still didn't win a world series.
-The St Louis Cardinals, Chicago White Sox, Cleveland Indians, Boston Red Sox and Florida Marlins have all won the World Series; what next, the lowly Milwaukee Brewers?!?
-The cubs played over 15,000 regular-season games, won 8 NL pennants, made the playoffs 13 times…and finished in last place 15 times...
-The cubs have had a player payroll amongst the top 10 in all of baseball every year since 2003 (6th this year with $125mil), yet only made the playoffs twice, losing all 6 games by a combined score of 36-12, and they've won only one playoff series since 1908...
-There were even leaner years to remember...like from the start of the 1947 season, when they went 20 consecutive seasons being in the bottom half of the national league...
-their 103 year championship drought is 40 years longer than any other active streak in baseball (Cleveland Indians- 63 years), and is already 15 years longer than the 2nd longest in history (the White Sox- 1917-2005)
-their 66 season drought from even reaching the world series is the longest active streak in baseball (Washington Nationals have never been to the world series and were founded in 1969 - as the Montreal Expos).

-It's been;
over 3.2 billion seconds
over 54.1 million minutes
over 900,000 hours
over 5,370 weeks
over 37,600 days
Or just short of 103 years.

Well, there's always next year!