Sopa de albondigas

Have I mentioned that I was thinking "I love you phillip morris" would be an interesting and scathing look at the tobacco industry? a gay prison romance story, you say? that's like, the opposite of what I expected. Dang.

Johnny.Random's 4 random thoughts
1. the beastie boys started as a hardcore punk band back in 1979.
2. Russian is probably one of the sexiest looking written languages. I must be a commie.
3. how many "country" singer ladies are using "ride a horse" as a euphemism for "riding a man" either in cowgirl or reverse cowgirl fashion? fuck "save a horse, ride a cowboy" btw.
4. fyi guys, just because she doesn't like hot dogs doesn't mean she wont chow on ur dong. she may just dislike hot dogs.

god came down to the vatican and said "dudes, you do realise there's girls in those grammar school classes too?"
[Ed. That's fucking awful. You think the world would be less pissed at the church-allowed pederasty if it was with girls instead of boys?]
Yep.
[Ed. *Shakes head and groans in the style of Kif Kroker*]

I wanted to use the phrase "fire coming out of the monkey's head" in a sentence.
So, was fire coming out of the monkey's head?
done.
[Ed. You lazy shitheel.]
hehe. ass.

johnny.random's "captain obvious" statement of the day: "man dude ac/dc are some UGLY fuckin doods"
foreigner, aerosmith and/or def leppard they are not.

fuck me with a used bar of deodorant.
make sure it's solid, not gel, that kinda defeats the purpose.

Rule 34 of the day - Warwick Davis. Uncle Mo - the horse. dp'ing the legal-aged version of Pebbles Flintstone.

moment of silence for my desire to cook soup
..
..
done.
See ya again in November, dude. It was a solid cold-season. pasta fagioli, shrimp soup, sopa de albondigas, lamb & lentil chili ((FC. Lamb & lentil chili is not a soup, technically speaking.)), black bean soup, spicy lentil dhal soup and beef barley soup...it's too hot for you now, go away, you're too salty anyways.

Bucket List Addendum: smear greek yoghurt upon something i dislike (which may or may not be EVERY H3 I SEE). wait a week. wipe off. notice paint missing. laff.
in that order.

if johnny.random used twitter, he would tweet: "{insert one of them short linky thingys here} SEE? even Chevy Chase is a hawks fan. okok. Clark Griswold at least."

speaking of having bailbondsmen on speed dial...I may or may not be a complete sociopath. I like doing human female studies at the local grocery and target-typed stores. They play coy. Especially when I stare and/or their kids are with them. I like messing with them and pick the item directly next to the one they're taking off the shelf and see them fidget. Even when I just say 'hello'. It's like they're not used to being spoken to. I feel sorry for them. Shopping for groceries in the middle of the day in baggy sweatpants and an old college t-shirt contemplating why they left the corporate world to settle down and wondering why she thought it was a good idea to not wear a bra as her kid pulls at the bottom of her shirt from the shopping cart. It's a good thing I don't get paid to do sociological experiments.
Kidding. Kinda.

I had a dream...that I was tazering a random pedestrian in the satchel when it started raining diapers. I ran and ran but everywhere it was raining diapers. people are getting covered by mounds of pampers and I'm running and squishing and slipping on the cloth ones - that are unwashed, of course. Finally I reach a house that has a diaper cannon in the backyard. I go inside, grab a beer and laugh with Brad Pitt as we fire dirty diapers at the world.

Hi, I'm a stubborn illogical douchenozzle whom blocks all facts pointing to past mistakes being at least 55% my fault ...and ur not

I googled on the google "Chloe Vevrier"
She says they're natural. You be the judge.

I blame fluffer gnomes...spruced gash...and the atomic number 20...
for everything.

speaking of links that contain that confounding thing called reason...Project Reason

[Ed. ...and now for a short commercial break...]
need a sponger to soak up under-boob sweat? call johnny!
need a counterfeit winning lottery ticket that may or may not be cashable? call johnny!
need a prosthesis made up of cardboard and broken funyons? call johnny!
yes that's right! johnny is the best! give him a call today for any of your preferably-non-sexual needs! No request is too random!
[Ed. ...we now return you to your regularly written blogh...]

if you could penetrate britney spears and/or lindsay lohan with a pirate's peg leg , would you? I know, I know, it's smaller than the usual items, but it's kinda neat to think about b/c it's not like pirates are around anymore so the wood would be all old and sliver-y.

I like panooch. I should develop poondar. Just be sure not to forget the 'n'.
My bad, it was my community college acting up.

johnny.random's random (w)horoscope...Aries: That time you went to boy scout camp dressed up in an androgynous stuffed animal suit and dropped a shitton of acid resulted in something unsatisfactory. Today you will either get arrested for pederasty (the actual term of criminal charge will vary by state/country that you reside in) and/or meet the mother of your illegitimate teenage son.

i just wanna hang out in the freezer section and check out their turkey timers
File that under: not a euphemism...this time.

One thing I'm really glad about is that I've still lacked the fortitude to write my own gospel. Or belief in god. Or historical knowledge of the middle east. Or the ability to write in Hebrew, Aramaic and/or Latin.
[Ed. You're certainly batshit crazy enough...]
Yeah. I know. If only I had the balls.

I do know a lot...but one thing I don't know is if old lady under-boobs get sweaty or are excessively dry like old lady panooch. Pardon me whilst I go vomit, perchance you mayst hath a change of topic you can share with I?

There's 6,910,757,374 people in the world...
If the average person weighs between 175 and 350 pounds, if 90% of the people on earth were to die tomorrow, there would be between 544,222,143 and 1,088,444,286 tons of dead bodies for the remaining 691,075,737 people to either clean up or ignore.
Not sayin, just sayin.

johnny.random recommends: Whenst at a hotel, either insert some fluids (bodily or otherwise) into the nightstand bible and/or tear out random pages. You know, for funsies. Or you can hollow it out like in those spy movies and drop a travel version of the koran or the gospel of the flying spaghetti monster in there.

"The sheer drama of this election has driven voter turnout to its highest level in centuries: six percent."
...Now that's good writing

Challenge: "Baptism for the dead" to "Brain Damage" on the wiki in 10 steps
1. Neologism
2. Nonce word
3. Bananaphone
4. Breakfast
5. Cambodia
6. Angkor Wat
7. Resin
8. Alcohol
9. Long-term effects of alcohol
10. Brain shrinkage (redirects to Brain damage)

is it just me or would it be hellaawesome to devolve people who don't believe in evolution back into flatworms? or Tetrapodes? or Therapsids? or Euarchontoglires? or Eukaryotes?
Ok. Enough geekness. yeah.

"hey kids! tell your mom to suck my dick!"
Notice the quotes...
I may or may not have said that IRL. I may or may not have just typed it.

"Read Eric Hoffer"
...and that's how babies are made...at small liberal arts colleges, I think. Help me out here, Dave.

Holy Yummy Funny YumYums, Batman! The AntiDogma twitted about sneezes, ROFL!
To which Batman growled: "I will NOT stand for you reading that drivel nonsense about my religion. "god bless you" is a term of courtesy, not god."
To which Robin disagreed: "but people used to say "god bless your soul" because people actually thought that sneezes were devils and demons trying to pull your soul out."
To which Batman pimpslapped Robin. It's ok, it wasn't a closed fist.
Super Eminem walked in, smelling of weed, cussed a little, distracting the caped duo with his masterfully nonsensical ravings, grabbed a burrito and some sopa de albondigas, left the room, ate, masturbated, smoked some more weed, wrote another rap, then fell asleep.
It was a fine evening in Gotham.

Fuck it, im moving to the middle east. Well, close to the middle east. I want to awe in the splendor of a government being overthrown by pissed off citizens who are fairly certain that their officials don't accurately represent them and are hoarding tax & tithe money for all their rich corporate & international friends, standard of living is dropping to levels not seen in decades, and there's a constant risk of martial law killing them dead despite plethoras of guns.
In the middle east, I said, you asses *winkwinknudgeunudge*.